


For All My Life

by mdnds



Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, Drama, Implications of death, M/M, Minor Character Death, Romance, mourn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:15:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23456146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mdnds/pseuds/mdnds
Summary: Hakyeon is lost and in pain for losing someone he loves and Hongbin just can't bear to see him like that. He wants to make Hakyeon smile and happy again, after all, Hakyeon is his everything and, although Hakyeon may never know, he still wishes to give him all his love, even if just as a friend.
Relationships: Cha Hakyeon | N/Lee Hongbin, Nbin - Relationship, chabin - Relationship
Comments: 6
Kudos: 15
Collections: Intoxicating 1.5 - Bingo





	For All My Life

His days were cloudy even when the sky was blue and the sun was bright out and there was nothing he could actually do to change it. He’s been doing all the shit he ever made fun of his friends for being too corny and cheesy. He has been on his best behavior either to make him smile or just to lend a shoulder to cry. Not that he used it often, he never liked to show it how bad he was, but now Hongbin was starting to worry.

Hakyeon looked kind of pale. The dark circles around his eyes visible from afar in a way that even the concealer wasn’t being too effective in hiding, clear signs he has trouble sleeping. Eat? Yes, Hongbin makes sure to stop by at least twice a day so he eats something! The boy never visited the damn florist that much in his life, all to try and bring some life to his apartment. Hakyeon always thanked him and even seem to enjoy the little game to find names for each cacti now decorating his shelves. Hongbin paid for freaking cooking classes just to make some breakfast without poisoning him. He was trying to cheer Hakyeon up, not bring him to the grave early. His bed sometimes would look like one from a hotel room, so long Hongbin stayed at Hakyeon’s. 

“Can you sing for me?” His voice was quiet and soothing, as if he was on the verge of falling asleep. The tea cup resting on his nightstand successfully down the middle, still hot.  
Hongbin felt his cheeks warm and his finger curling, that was so… Ugh! 

He heard Hakyeon’s melodic laugh, only a short one though, but it was enough to make his heart leap. 

“Please don’t die from cringe. I can’t afford to lose anyone else.” Hongbin felt a pang in his chest. That wasn’t why he was there, it was the exact opposite: to distract Hakyeon from missing him. 

“It’s just a song, Bin. Is it ok?”

For Hakyeon anything was fine. 

“Y-yes, it is.” He cleared his throat thinking on what to sing and without giving it much thought he started one of his friend’s songs that Hakyeon loved. Hongbin remember how proud they were of Sanghyuk when he got a contract with a music company even before graduation after he showcased his composition at one of his college’s events. 

The older facial expression loosened a bit and Hongbin’s eyes wandered by each detail on his features, not that he didn’t know them by heart now. If he had Jaehwan’s talent he's sure he could make a perfect portrait without even looking. Still he didn’t get tired of it. Hakyeon was special to him, has been for years an important part of his life. His emotional support, the one who helped him not to give up, who brightened the darkest of days. And now he was the one having trouble finding light.

Hongbin didn’t know what to do. He loved Hakyeon and he wished he could tell him that. Not that he didn’t know, but the love Hakyeon thought Hongbin nurtured for him was the same he did for their other friends - family. They were family. From the first time each of them appeared in each other’s lives and became part of that group they walked side by side like family. Hongbin did love Hakyeon like that, but he loved him beyond that, too. He loved him so much that he didn’t mind let go and hide his feelings so Hakyeon could love someone else, because he knew he made him happy. 

Not anymore. 

He asked Taekwoon to keep an eye on their friend, he was the one who saw Hakyeon more often, they worked in the same building, and he was trying his best, but only Hongbin knew how closed off with his own pain Hakyeon could be. Both Taekwoon and Wonsik tried to make an intervention, cornering him in one of the smaller meeting rooms to make him think straight and get a hold on himself. He lost his loved one, he shouldn’t lose himself too. But Hongbin knew that wasn’t a matter of thinking, things related to the heart hardly were and even if Hongbin knew it all too well, he realized it once again the moment he planted a kiss on Hakyeon’s forehead, then another on his nose and stopped looking at his mouth, not going further. He didn’t have the right to and he knew that Hakyeon’s heart wasn’t his. Even if he was his entire life, Hongbin would never trespass that line without consent, yet he wish the older would know about how he felt and maybe one day, who knows, give Hongbin permission to kiss his sadness away. 

For now he was content in being a good friend. 

He smirked with that thought, brushing the fringe out of Hakyeon’s eyes. 

“Who am I kidding? I’d settle to be just a friend for the rest of my life if that was enough to make you smile.” He said in a whisper not to wake the other up. The silence still made it sound too loud for his likes, but Hakyeon didn’t move.

“I only wish for you to be happy, you know? I know it hurts now, I know that not being able to ever see him again it’s probably the cruelest way to end something, since it wasn’t your choice nor his, it just… Happened. Unfortunately life isn’t too kind to people, no matter the age. But I wish you knew that right here there’s someone who love you more than anything and will do everything to make you feel better. It’s painful now, but it will get better with time and love. And we have lots of love to give to you.” His gaze was intense. “I do.” 

Hongbin squeezed his hand lightly and got up, pulling the covers up and taking the tea to the kitchen, leaving only the bedside lamp on with a heavy heart for Hakyeon loss. After that, everything went quiet despite Hongbin’s presence still lingering around the house. 

He didn’t saw the tear rolling down his friend’s face, or the grateful smile he wore. Hakyeon had fondness and love in his eyes too and he also wished to tell Hongbin how important he was to him, how much love he nurtured for him for all those years they knew each other. 

There was a time when he reciprocated Hongbin’s feelings but back then their lives was such a mess that he wasn’t sure if the younger actually liked him, or was just confused. So he kept it down, put it aside so their friendship wouldn’t get shaken up. Later he met that guy, a special soul to give him many good things even when he never asked for them. He made Hakyeon happy, he loved him, but he was now gone. Hakyeon hoped one day he’d get better, he would leave his mourning and he was glad to know Hongbin was going to be there. Not that he would ever ask something like that from him, but seeing his first love loving him back, pure and selfless… Hakyeon was sure now he had a reason to keep going on. He would get well and give Hongbin all the love he held all that time. He would be happy again and then they would be happy together.


End file.
